Topic: Brim predicts the future.
I have a couple of predictions for post-election America. first off, as we all know, there is no chance whatsoever that a third party canidate will ever be elected, so that leaves us with 2 possibilities: 1. Kerry is elected, 2. Bush is re-elected. So, here are my predictions:
1. Following one of the closest elections in history, President Kerry immediately begins acting on his plans for the future of America. Not knowing exactly what they are, he makes them up on the fly. Within the first year of his presidency, he has increased taxes on the middleclass to a whopping 400%. After ensuring that the middleclass will be in debt to the American government for the remainder of time, Kerry focuses his attention on "scaling back" the armed forces. He then sends the remainder of the military to help stabilize a struggling Iraq. Bob (the army barber) and Sam (the badass corpral with a heart of gold) quickly come to the realization that they have their work cut out for them, seeing as how they are the only 2 soldiers left in the entire United States Military. On the plus side, seeing this prompts Al Sadr and his militia to join with the new Iraq government, as well as all governments in the region, in making fun of the 2 men, finally bringing peace to the middle east. However, in another year, Bob and Sam get fed up with the constant teasing and take over the entire region by themselves in the bloodiest war of all time. (Woot! Go underdogs!) Kerry, meanwhile, decides that he is too tired to continue on as president and resigns. This comes only 2 days after he presented his first, straightforward bill for consideration. (and only 1 day after vetoing it himself.) He divorces his wife, leaving her pennyless and on the streets, and proving that there is at least a bit of Divine Justice left in the world.
2. After claiming victory in the election, Bush is immediately blamed by the media for stealing another election. Unlike the 2000 election, this debacle took place in California. The liberal claim that their votes were not counted was dismissed when it was discovered that they all got stoned on election day and forgot to vote at all. In protest of the findings, Californians all light-up simultaneously, causing a massive fire which destroys the state. The rest of the country rejoices. After putting this behind him, Bush puts all of his attention into finding Osama. 3 days later, he is found in a secret cavern beneath one of Saddam's palaces in Iraq. The American media is shooked to find that the cavern had been named "the Osama Room" 3 years earlier, proving the pre-existing conection between Al Queda and Iraq. This realization causes most reporters to commit ritual suicide in order to escape dishonor, leaving Fox News as the only remaining source of cable news. O'Reily, being named the new king of all media, uses his power and influence to have Howard Stern's head placed on a pike in the center of the burnt, odd-smelling mess which was once California. America Rejoices. Meanwhile, in Iraq, Saddam escapes capture and flees the country. He is picked up 2 weeks later by the FBI, posing as a Hindu clerk at a 7-11. Kerry, having lost the election, takes a page from Al Gores book and grows a beard. Unfortunately, after taking a shower and wrapping a towel around his head, he is rushed and killed by a mob of citizens, mistaking him for Osama. His wife is also killed in the attack, though there is no mistaken identity involved. America rejoices.
There is hope for you yet nick, you just have to move to the west coast.