Topic: Top 11 reasons why Dubya won't condemn the Swift Boat ads
11. They're probably still good for another 2 points in the polls.
10. He can't pronounce "condemn" and prefers to remain silent on the subject.
9. He likes his own dishonest attack ads.
8. He can't locate Vietnam on a map, and we might goto war with them if his approval goes below 50 again.
7. It would interrupt his third mid-afternoon nap.
6. He wants to keep media attention away from Vietnam as well, to divert media attention from the fact he was a cheerleading at the time.
5. Dick Cheney couldn't be contacted from his undisclosed location to script the teleprompter for the press release.
4. He wants to appear "above the fray" by only attacking Kerry and not fellow Republicans in an election year.
3. It would probably make all of his buddies in Texas a little mad they spent all that money only to get the ad condemned by him.
2. He fell off another Segway, whilst choking on a pretzel and didn't want the media to see the wounds
1. Karl Rove had already scheduled a practice session for learning how to lip sync the pre-recorded speech so he doesn't appear as illiterate at the Republican National Convention.